Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma,Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming,Montana, Utah,
Nebraska, Idaho, Nevada, and
the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1. Pull your pants
up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get
out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like
money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and
west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick
one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000
Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try
to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot
it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!
Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks
in Cincinnati call that stuff
you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and
have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the
Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang
site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it
spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music,
anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your
boxers! Refer back to #1!
Cowboys aint the most politically correct people, get over it.